'Okay, so it's not well known, I'll give you that. Let me lay down the basics in layman's terms. When you are born, on exactly the other side of the world, at exactly the same moment, your personal robot of death is born. It has one objective, and that is, to kill you. That's how everyone dies. It looks human and for all intents and purposes it is human, but it lacks that one essential human ingredient and that is, a sense of humor - we've all met them, we just haven't realised. Mr. Spankalot, my algebra teaher, Ms. Coony who taught me religious instruction - robots of death. People blame death on disease and accidents, but no, it's all down to your personal robot of death.'
'Right Doddo, medication time yet?' The Kid asked.
'Let me finish skidmark. Okay, so your personal robot of death, which is born on the other side of the world, has one motive, one ambition, one purpose in life. And that is to kill you. But here's the thing. It can only move at one mile a day. So if you move to another country, it has to change direction and start all over again.'
'So you're saying that by moving overseas you are prolonging you're life?' asked Liz.
'In theory Liz, yes. But, when people accidentally move closer to their robot and that robot completes their mission early, they are granted a sort of frequent death miles. A hard concept to grasp, but you must trust me on this.'
'Okay Doddo, if all this is true, how do we know where our personal robot of death is?' Sharon asked, sounding more concerned than anyone else in the car.
'You don't, and that's the thing. It may be closer than you think. It could be that guy walking towards you in the library or it may be the large lady with the Billy Ray Cyrus haircut approaching you at a nightclub. No-one knows. It travels underwater, taking the form of a dugong and crawls ashore as a crab. It is totally unrecognizable and as deadly as the great white shark.'
'So how does it kill you?' asked Liz?
'Natural causes, suicide, however people die. You can be sure that your personal robot of death is the cause.'
'Nice theory Mulder, but I'm not buying it.' Said The Kid. 'And if you mention it again I'll tell everyone about the shampoo bottle.'
Silence reigned.
